Even though we share a publisher, I don't know Mike DiCerto. This makes Mike the exception to the rule (though he seems to be an exception to most rules), for almost every author who has been blessed (or cursed) with an Author Interview from Hell is someone I've had contact with. It wasn't until I read Milkyway Marmalade that I knew I had to interview him. Why?
Milkyway Marmalade is so bizarre and twisted, so godawfully funny, so mindblisteringly entertaining, that I wish I had written it. Of course, that's impossible, since I still hang on to a thread of sanity, something Mike DiCerto probably has given up on long ago. Don't believe me? See what Mike had to say in his Author Interview from Hell.
Steve: Combine two sports to make a completely new sport... name it and write a brief example, as if you were a sports commentator.
Mike: I would combine the Biathalon, Ski Jumping and Skeet Shooting (ok, I am sort of cheating by adding a third). My change, however, would be that the audience would be armed and the one who can shoot a jumper with the most rounds and NOT disrupt the aerial ballet, wins.
Steve: Which of your qualities do you feel makes you a great presidential candidate?
Mike: I am a wish washy, corporately corrupted reptilian weasel who uses my military might in lieu of sex. Nah-- Actually, I would never be elected. Too short and have never been a member of a secret society.
Steve: If you had to choose an insect as a life mate, which would it be?
Mike: I would choose ant-- oh no-- that would be incest (or is that "aunt")... I guess a Praying Mantis. I am one that believes the clergy should be allowed to marry.
Steve: Rodney Dangerfield always complained he "don't get no respect". What is it that you don't get, that you probably should?
Mike: Donald Trump's hair. Never have and never will.
Steve: What's it like to be a sex symbol at your age?
Mike: Well, being a circle with an arrow sticking from it is difficult at any age. (get it? Sex "symbol") forget it... next question.
Steve: Why did you agree to a stupid interview like this, anyway?
Mike: I didn't. And would you please get this dude with the gun at my head to leave.
Steve: Do you have a question for me?
Mike: How many fish can a Norweigian bongo player catch if the sun were a potato?
Steve: Make up a new political platform. What's your campaign speech like?
Mike: It would not be heard because the platform would be ten thousand feet in the air. That thin air makes it hard to talk.
Steve: You're an author, dammit! Promote yourself.
Mike: If you are anything like me and I know I am, you'll enjoy Milky Way Marmalade. It is a funny book because I am a funny person and I should know because I walk down the street laughing to myself constantly. You like classic rock? You enjoy trippy stuff? You love meglomaniac aliens? Despise greed, pretentiousness and violence? Like to have some brain food with your comedy? Then please, ignore the ridiculously high POD book price (or go the cheapo ebook route) and read it. It'll be the best investment you have made in years. Toss out the prosac. This works better.
Milkyway Marmalade is so bizarre and twisted, so godawfully funny, so mindblisteringly entertaining, that I wish I had written it. Of course, that's impossible, since I still hang on to a thread of sanity, something Mike DiCerto probably has given up on long ago. Don't believe me? See what Mike had to say in his Author Interview from Hell.
Mike: I would combine the Biathalon, Ski Jumping and Skeet Shooting (ok, I am sort of cheating by adding a third). My change, however, would be that the audience would be armed and the one who can shoot a jumper with the most rounds and NOT disrupt the aerial ballet, wins.
Steve: Which of your qualities do you feel makes you a great presidential candidate?
Mike: I am a wish washy, corporately corrupted reptilian weasel who uses my military might in lieu of sex. Nah-- Actually, I would never be elected. Too short and have never been a member of a secret society.
Steve: If you had to choose an insect as a life mate, which would it be?
Mike: I would choose ant-- oh no-- that would be incest (or is that "aunt")... I guess a Praying Mantis. I am one that believes the clergy should be allowed to marry.
Steve: Rodney Dangerfield always complained he "don't get no respect". What is it that you don't get, that you probably should?
Mike: Donald Trump's hair. Never have and never will.
Steve: What's it like to be a sex symbol at your age?
Mike: Well, being a circle with an arrow sticking from it is difficult at any age. (get it? Sex "symbol") forget it... next question.
Steve: Why did you agree to a stupid interview like this, anyway?
Mike: I didn't. And would you please get this dude with the gun at my head to leave.
Steve: Do you have a question for me?
Mike: How many fish can a Norweigian bongo player catch if the sun were a potato?
Steve: Make up a new political platform. What's your campaign speech like?
Mike: It would not be heard because the platform would be ten thousand feet in the air. That thin air makes it hard to talk.
Steve: You're an author, dammit! Promote yourself.
Mike: If you are anything like me and I know I am, you'll enjoy Milky Way Marmalade. It is a funny book because I am a funny person and I should know because I walk down the street laughing to myself constantly. You like classic rock? You enjoy trippy stuff? You love meglomaniac aliens? Despise greed, pretentiousness and violence? Like to have some brain food with your comedy? Then please, ignore the ridiculously high POD book price (or go the cheapo ebook route) and read it. It'll be the best investment you have made in years. Toss out the prosac. This works better.
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